The Christmas Letter you’ll never receive:
Well, 2008 has been a busy year for the Kovar’s. I know that’s the way all the other irritating Christmas letters begin, but I promise you no such drivel here.
2007 closed with a bang. Literally. Nick backed his brand new father-in-law's car into a stone wall. Yes, the car was new, as was the father-in-law. We’re pretty sure that Judge Judy is going to take the case, so watch for them on late night TV sometime in 2009. The real good news is that we don’t believe the DUI charges will stick. Besides, we think that was excessive anyway. So what if our sweet boy had a couple eggnogs. Wouldn’t you if you’d just lost your 7
th game of Scattergories to a 2
nd grade team of know-it-alls?
January 2008 found Mary knee deep in mud in Belize. We’re closing the year with the news that she’s found a foot doctor willing to tackle the pesky foot fungus she brought home. Now, if only she’d lose the Chicken Foot Soup recipe that the nice lady in the Mayan village shared with her. Darn it, there are just too many one legged chickens in Warren County now – she’s bound to get caught one of these days.
Emily had an interesting semester abroad this past spring. Unfortunately, instead of studying she spent most of her time trying to meet an Austrian doctor. We tried and tried to explain socialized medicine to her and that it wouldn’t work out to make her a lady of leisure. But, she wouldn’t listen. If it wasn’t an asthma attack, it was the vomiting and diarrhea. You know, even a doctor CAN resist a woman with the runs. So, we had to ship her home a few weeks early and break the news to her that she
would be studying to finish that college degree. We’re thinking that a degree in counseling will pretty well equip her to work for minimum wage at the outbound call center located here in Bowling Green. If you are
truly a friend to this family, please get yourself off that federal “no call” list. That salesperson calling at dinner time just might be our little Emmy. She’s got two aging parents to start to support.
This summer found the whole family at the Prusa family reunion in western Nebraska. If we didn’t already feel bad enough about ourselves, the rest of the darn family finished the job. Thank goodness we were mostly buzzed from the enormous quantities of sugar available in the Cornhusker Crumble dessert, so the personal and financial successes of the rest of the family didn’t seem so gloomy. Mary decided that the 20-something hours of arguing on the way there was enough fun for one summer, so she cut out early with her folks. This meant she missed the big livestock show in Chadron – the highlight of the trip, if you ask most of us. And you question why we don’t travel more.
Travelling for more than 20 hours in a van with a large, exuberant Golden Retriever isn’t so bad. The key to enjoyment is nasal congestion and good cross ventilation. Whichever Prusa thought it was funny to feed the dog buffalo chili the night before we left, let us warn you…Revenge is a dish best served in large quantities.
Matt is doing well in Charlotte North Carolina. He played a Nazi in the Diary of Anne Frank at the Community Theater this spring. At least he wasn’t playing a Republican is all we have to say. He lived through a nearly yearlong stint with a crazy menopausal boss at the Lindt Chocolate shop before landing a fulltime job at Starbucks. We say, why deal with that crap on the job? If you want to spend time with a crazy, menopausal woman, come on HOME! At least you can do laundry for free and get a home cooked bowl of soup.
Matt’s long-term girlfriend Michele may be the only one in the whole bunch with a lick of sense. She goes back and forth from home in Charlotte, to Evansville Indiana. She claims to work for the University Theater in 3 to 4 month stints. Never mind that when we called, the Southern Indiana University staff said “Michele who?” It’s OK, we understand. Everybody knows that in 2008 higher education there is no room (or money) for any of that liberal, namby pamby, boys-in-tights Shakespearean stuff. We’re figuring that the University Theater is a movie house and that Michele is either poppin the corn, or running the projector. Either way we’re real proud of her, but we don’t like to let on that we know her secret…shhhhh!
Our daughter-in-law Kristen is still working very hard to get both Nick and his cat (Loki) shaped up. God Bless her. She’s got the cat drinking out of a water glass now, just like a proper person. Nick seems a bit squeamish about drinking out of the same glass, but she’s a strong woman. She says “You brought the darn cat into this marriage, if you want to waste another glass for yourself, fine. But I’m not cleaning up after you two.” Personally, we don’t think that Nick’s breath smells that much like Cat Chow now and you’d hardly notice the occasional stray cat hair caught in his teeth. We think he’s made the right choice. Nick and Kristen sure have an active social life in Nashville with parties, and dinners, and hockey games, and game nights, and football watching. We’re sure that they aren’t avoiding us. After all, our request for a loan wasn’t THAT big. Sheesh, they’re both working at darn fine jobs, and we NEED to keep the phone on. They’re young, they can rebuild their savings. And we WILL repay them when we win the lotto.
Steve’s job is … well … a job. What do you expect, bliss? It’s a JOB, people. He dons his 1950’s style park service uniform and heads off to save the world from dirty restrooms and overgrown park side roads. “Preserving and protecting for the enjoyment of future generations” yeah, right. That Roosevelt dude was out-of-touch wasn’t he? Steve would be better off inventing “A National Park Cave Adventure” for Wii.
He’d like to throw in the towel and quit, but then who’d pay for the family essentials like Diet Pepsi and corn chips? Heaven knows we can’t depend on Mary. #1 she works for a state university, #2 the university is located in Kentucky, where overeducated means missing less than one-quarter of the senior year, and #3 she’s got a Goodwill shopping addiction that won’t quit. There’s no 12-step program for that kind of habit. Looks like we’ll both be working until we’re 80-something or we pay off the MasterCard whichever comes first. MasterCard isn’t looking good.
So, as our vet always says when she sees our pets – “Fleas Navidad”.
And a Happy New Year from our double-wide to yours.
Steve and Mary K.
Feel better now? I thought so.
