Plantar – of, or pertaining to, plants. Ex: “My grandpa, he was a plantar. He grew corn, and hay.” (from the Kovar abridged dictionary)
Fasciitis – a proliferation of fibroblasts in a fascia (from dictionary.com)
Modern science is not making fast headway in healing my plantar fasciitis. It can be frustrating, what with having to recline on the couch while Steve does all the cooking, cleaning, dog walking, laundry, and bill paying. Sorry, I got off track….those ARE the good parts. The bad part is that my dang foot hurts! 24:7. And it is a long walk from the parking lot to my building on campus. So, I have decided that I must take the cure into my own care.
First, I need to define the problem. Hence my recent foray into linguistics as noted above. I don’t know about you, but fasciitis sounds like something that happens after you take Metamucil. I mean that fiber does proliferate. And Grandpa did need Metamucil in his later years, so I’m pretty sure I’m on to something here. The real indicator is that when I first get up in the morning, I walk like a grandpa because those first few steps are gawd-awful. I shuffle, moaning slightly, wishing the bed was actually in the bathroom so the walk wouldn’t be so long.
Now the Physical Therapist seems to think that balancing on a board on top of a ball, trying to push the wall out into the rear parking lot, and spelling the alphabet with my tootsies is going to fix this problem. Ha! I think he’s trying to get a winner for “America’s Funniest Home Videos”. I’ll be channel surfing one of these days and see myself doing Hillbilly Surfing, hanging ten on the darn plank. He’s had his chance. Now I’m going to tackle the real problem.
What do plants and Grandpa’s Metamucil have in common? Go on ahead, think about it for a minute…. You’re right! Water. The problem is all this water I’ve been guzzling. Don’t water the plant, it dies. Don’t water the Metamucil, concrete. Since I’m told the pain is caused by tearing of the tissue on the sole of my foot, I figure a little concrete is just what the doctor ordered.
So, no more H2O. I’ll be switching to only pomegranate juice, gin and tonics and coffee. I’m going to call that the “Healthy Wealthy and Wise Plan”. Pomegranate juice is supposed to be so healthy, seems like rich folk spend their summer sipping G & T’s, and there is no doubt that being awake is wiser than being asleep at the wheel. “Healthy Wealthy and Wise”
A couple weeks on this program ought to fix most anything. I’ll up the ratio of the G & T’s if progress isn’t fast enough, patience is a virtue after all. Stand by for updates.
